love notes

these are things that I could not tell you;
things that remind me of you when I want nothing more than to forget;
things that have gone wrong;
things that have gone right;
things that will never happen;
things that are your fault,
my fault,
the faults of no one;
these are things that we did not do and will not let go of

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~ Monday, November 30 ~
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here is something

You worry about me. Well, I worry about myself. I scare myself sometimes with the decisions I make which is I why I want to talk to you about them. I want you to tell me I’ll be OK even though I’m doing these things—that I’ll stop when I’m older or find the right person or something like that.

I know I should just stop on my own. After all, I know I’m not making right or good decisions. I should cut off contact, smile more, go home to my own bed. But instead I tell people my dreams and indulge in the worst of my life plans.

I don’t know if I want to go back.

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